“What is your calling? Fellowship With His Son.” – Eric Gilmore
You are called to abide & to be His bride.
To answer the call of fellowship before the command of assignment.
To be with Jesus, To enjoy Him, and be loved by Him.
– A.G. Ayuen
Category: Journal Entries
I’m a daughter, disciple, runner, writer, and intercessor with a heart to see people encounter Jesus and discover His heart for the nations.
The SUDO Project is my space for creativity, reflection, and processing the journey of following Christ. Here, you’ll find stories, testimonies, poems, prayers, devotionals, and honest reflections written to encourage, equip, and meet you wherever you are in your walk with Him.
My prayer is that these words would strengthen your faith, stir your love for Jesus, and remind you that God is still writing beautiful stories of redemption.
But this isn’t just my story—it’s an invitation.
Whether you’re here to grow in your faith, explore missions, pray for the nations, or simply find encouragement for today, I’m so grateful you’re here.
You cannot miss it, just surrender.
Let go of your plan and submit to His will.
Stop worrying about the future and enjoy the present with Him.
Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith.
You cannot miss it if you let Him lead your life and write your story.
– A.G. Ayuen
Honor comes with honesty.
Honor is recognizing value
and responding rightly to it.
Honesty is about integrity
seeing truth and upholding it.
Truth that wounds, exposes,
or tears down is not honorable.
Being nice and avoiding truth is dishonest.
Honor honestly by speaking the truth in love and valuing the truth about love.
– A.G. Ayuen
Is free from the poison of bitterness.
Is pure and sensitive,
guarding against the hardening of the heart.
Is quick to forgive
and eager to reconcile.
Is overflowing with agape love,
because it has surrendered
to the Lordship of the God who is love.
– A.G. Ayuen
Stop trying to labor in your own strength,
and start co-laboring with Christ.
He brings meaning into motion.
He fights the war within the work.
He gives pleasure in the mundane tasks.
– A.G. Ayuen
His kindness leads to repentance.
Today was day 2 of PCCC in Atlanta, GA. I got up at 2:45am and drove 4½ hours for this church conference, and already I have encountered the kindness of the Lord.
Throughout the day, I kept receiving confirmation of what God has already been speaking to me prophetically, through His Word, and through community. Yet I realized I was still craving validation from people.
During the altar calls, I kept hoping a well-known pastor or leader would come pray for me so I could have some dramatic encounter with God. That didn’t happen. Instead, God Himself met me in my car, tired, driving back after an amazing first day.
He met me with His kindness, and that kindness led me to repentance from fear, selfish ambition, cynicism, laziness, passivity, and other things I have been entertaining.
Honestly, the past two years I’ve struggled with so much fear. I haven’t given myself wholeheartedly to Scriptures and prayer the way I once did.
I remember the zeal I had when I first gave my life to Christ in 2021. I was hungry for His Word and desperate for His presence. Somewhere along the way I drifted from that first love.
Tonight, I sense the Holy Spirit bringing fresh deliverance and reminding me to fight the good fight of faith daily, choosing surrender every day instead of indulging in the flesh.
It’s time to return to my original design in Him.
Thank You, Lord, for Your kindness.
February 11, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
Who is someone who has already run their race well that you are walking with this year?
These two questions came up in my coaching sessions today, and I already knew who the Lord had placed on my heart to study and learn from this year.
Deborah.
A woman of valor.
A woman of wisdom.
A woman of significance.
A woman of integrity.
A woman of influence and impact.
Who is the spiritual giant you are walking with this year?
Someone who has already run their race well?
She is still spoken of today, and her life and leadership continue to provoke tension and conversation in the modern-day Church, particularly around the role of women in ministry.
I’m excited to glean from her life through the Holy Scriptures!
February 1, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
1 Corinthians 3:9-11: “For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building. By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.”
What’s on my mind today is stewardship.
I’ve been asking the Lord lately, What does it look like to win the day?
What does it look like to be faithful in the stewardship of each day?
This has lead me to study biblical stewardship and so far see this recurring biblical theme: the best way to steward well is to surrender often.
Stewardship is the responsible planning, management, and care of resources such as time, talent, money, and the environment that are entrusted to one’s care for the benefit of others and future generations. It involves obedience, accountability, administration, sustainability, and ethical management of assets, recognizing the role of a steward as a manager rather than an owner.
Biblical stewardship acknowledges that we do not ultimately have control over ourselves or our possessions; God does. As stewards of God, we are managers of what belongs to Him and remain under His authority as we administer His affairs. Faithful stewardship means fully acknowledging that we are not our own but belong to Christ, the Lord, who gave Himself for us.
(Source: gotquestions.org)
As someone with an athletically wired mind, I often default to achievement and accomplishment. I want to do well; I strive to perform in everything I do. But what I’ve been realizing recently is that I must fully and frequently surrender myself to God in order to be a faithful steward of the things He has called me to do.
Winning the day for me begins with surrendering my day to God.
Thanking Him for all the day holds, whether difficult or delightful.
Confessing my fears and taking responsibility for my part by praying, planning, managing, and walking it out with Him.
“But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.”
You win each day by surrendering each minute and each hour to Him who has already gone before us.
January 28, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
YOU CAN’T DO EVERYTHING & YOU CAN’T BE EVERYONE.
This realization comes with great grief, but also with great relief.
The polarity of your humanity is that you are to live a life of great joy while navigating the great pain of letting go and letting God.
Face your limits, resist control, and steward well what you have been called to do.
– A.G. Ayuen
“Make the vision of your life more about who you are going to be rather than what you are going to do.” – R.A. Martinez
This week as I was praying through the 2026 vision, The Lord slowed me down to give me wisdom on the journey with Him this year:
- BE before you DO
- Prepare your heart before you use your hands
- Surrender Fully, Obey Quickly, Trust Deeply
- Turn off noise & Rid yourself of distractions
- Be still and know Me
- Pray before. Pray during. Pray after.
January 26, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
This morning during worship at church,
The Lord wrecked me with Psalm 23.
The Holy Spirit led me to read and reread,
until I could not stop crying.
After a week of struggling to surrender to the leadership of the Lord, the revelation of His Word pierced my stubborn heart.
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
HE MAKES ME
HE RESTORES ME
HE LEADS ME
HE LEADS
Those two words confronted everything
that had been contending for His lordship.
And with confrontation
comes an invitation
into deeper spiritual formation.
January 18, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
In 2024 and at the beginning of last year, I was very intentional about rest,
but in the midst of ministry opportunities and the hustle of work, I got so busy that I lost Sabbath altogether.
There was a stretch of about 5–6 months last year where I had no real rest days.
Part of it was working two jobs to make ends meet while being in leadership school.
The other part was that I didn’t intentionally prioritize rest.
My weekly rhythms did not start from the place of rest, they excluded rest altogether.
Lowkey I became spiritually famished and physically and emotionally unhealthy.
I gained about a good 15 pounds and was constantly overwhelmed and anxious.
I’ve decided to prioritize sabbath again.
To unplug, enjoy God, be with family, friends and explore creativity.
I want to be bored again & to spend time understanding myself.
I don’t fully know what each week will look like since work isn’t clearly defined right now, but I committing to taking one day a week to slow down, to be still.
January 17, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
This week is one of those weeks where fear won,
and my brain crashed out on me.
EVERY
SINGLE
DAY.
My flesh is honestly a supervillain &
my humanity sometimes carries a little bit of insanity.
If I did not have the Spirit of the living God,
I would have already lost my mind.
But today, I’m praising God for the fact that:
even in these hard days and heavy weeks,
He is still the Author, Finisher, Perfecter, Pioneer of my faith, and the Shepherd of my soul.
This journey of sanctification is sooooo hard. Not gonna lie,
Sometimes I complain.
Sometimes I resist, because it feels like I’ve already surrendered enough.
But then I spend time with Him.
I rehearse the Gospel.
I remind myself of my testimony.
I catch another glimpse of that old rugged cross,
And I can’t help but give Him everything again.
PRAISE GOD FOR NEW MERCIES EVERY SINGLE DAY.
January 16, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
“Leadership is the capacity to influence others through inspiration, generated by a passion, motivated by a vision, birthed from a conviction which is produced by a sense of purpose.” – Myles Munroe
-nothing happens without leadership
-nothing changes without leadership
-nothing develops without leadership
-nothing improves without leadership
-nothing is corrected without leadership
-nothing advances without leadership
– A.G. Ayuen
This year, the Lord is inviting you
to acknowledge pain.
To process it properly.
To learn to lament.
To surrender everything to Him.
Learn not to get lost
in how broken you feel,
but totally get lost
in the One who was broken for you.
Even in the midst of your human suffering,
Behold the goodness of God.
As you remember your testimony,
I pray He makes His redemptive plan known to you.
– A.G. Ayuen
Our tendency is busyness, but His command is: “Be still and know.”
Be — a human being, not a human doing.
Still — the lies of identity that threaten and disrupt serenity.
Know — the way of intimacy by journey from the head to the heart.
– A.G. Ayuen
These were the words a friend of mine asked me during one of our girls night… and I responded by covering my eyes with both of my hands and curling into a ball.
There it was. Shame. Helping me react the way I have always known how to react.
Hiding.
Avoiding.
Trying not to be seen.
Because it feels easier than being vulnerable.
I find it incredibly difficult to process and explain my pain to those around me, but I am learning that I have to try if I want to break out of these toxic cycles of shame, fear, and control.
I always knew I struggled with fear, but it wasn’t until recently that I found out a lot of the root of my fears come from shame.
In this season, the Holy Spirit is bringing healing by exposing and uncovering deep-rooted things my eyes cannot see, and He is doing it through the process of vulnerability in community.
January 7, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
Unmet expectations hurt.
Feeling stuck hurts.
Being rejected hurts.
Having to endure the process hurts.
Learning to unlearn old patterns and old ways hurt.
It hurts in the heart and I am feeling it all today.
How do I hold faith in God and in the things He has spoken… when it feels like everything within me is being crushed?
What do I do when I come to the realization that He is the one crushing me or allowing the crushing that is happening in me?
Living in this tension of faith is hard.
This is where I am right now.
In the place I love to run from the most… trying this time to be still and know that He is God.
– A.G. Ayuen
Revelation 12:11 (NKJV) “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.”
This verse has challenged me for a long time, and I know it will continue to challenge me.
If I’m being honest, I am drawn to and I love the first part of the verse. The part that tells us how they overcame: by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.
But I wrestle with the last part: “and they did not love their lives to the death.”
There is something about that line that is deeply convicting.
Maybe it exposes the fact that I have a tendency to love my own life. To protect self, preserve self, prioritize self.
And I am realizing that in the life of a believer, this cannot be.
As long as I keep trying to resurrect the old man,
I will struggle to live in the victory of the new man.
January 3, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
I am currently reading this book right now called
Created for fearlessness by Victoria Doulas York
And I feel challenged to challenge fear.
To no longer tolerate it or make excuses for why I should give in to it.
To no longer read the biblical commands of “FEAR NOT” as casual suggestions but rather urgent prescriptions. 
Fear has cost me way too much in my life.
It has taken over spaces & places where perfect love is meant to abide.
I have decided…
I am no longer a slave to fear.
I am choosing to live a life of fearlessness.
I am choosing to fight the good fight of faith.
January 1, 2026 | A.G. Ayuen
Restarting the process of writing & documenting every day on this website.
Join me along for the journey!!!
“The way we steward pain will determine how well we are able to maintain peace.” —Isis Igenegba
Pain is not a sign of failure.
Pain comes and it goes.
It is the shared ailment of humanity,
and how we manage it affects our sanity.
November 30, 2025 | A.G. Ayuen
“The cross is rough, and it is deadly, but it is effective. It does not keep its victim hanging there forever. There comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the presence of the living God.” — A.W. Tozer
Judas had proximity, but no intimacy.
He called Jesus “Rabbi” but never knew Him as Lord.
Judas Iscariot, the one who betrayed Jesus.
His name
His legacy
His destiny is forever marked by his lack of surrender to Christ.
Not Judas, son of Iscariot
Not Judas, one of the twelve
Not Judas, the successful
Not Judas, the gifted
Not Judas, the beloved
Judas | the one who betrayed Jesus
Matthew 26 has marked me these last few weeks
I ain’t gonna lie and it has led me to examine my own heart.
To cry out the words of the psalmist:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart…
see if there be any wicked way in me.”
It’s easy to read Matthew 26 and say
“How could Judas betray Jesus?”
But harder to ask,
“Where in my life am I doing the same?”
Who is Jesus Christ to you?
Just a name you grew up hearing?
A trigger word because of church hurt/religious wounds?
A teacher you admire but have no desire to emulate?
Only a prophet, but not the Son of God?
Someone you deny exists because belief would mean letting go of the comfort of sin?
Someone you run to ONLY when life gets hard?
Or is He everything?
Is He worth more than your reputation,
your career,
your comfort,
your ambition,
your money,
your relationships
your life?
Is He just Rabbi
or is He LORD of your life?
Surrendering to Jesus’s Lordship is costly but we deserve nothing anyways.
Romans 3:23 “All have fallen short of the glory of God.”
Hebrews 10:29 “How much greater punishment do you think he will deserve who has rejected and trampled under foot the Son of God…”
We’ve all betrayed Him.
No one is good. Not one.
But thank God the Gospel doesn’t leave us in this state of hopelessness.
It invites us to repent & receive God’s grace through faith.
To receive eternal life through Jesus Christ.
And from there, to live every day under His Lordship.
What I’m wrestling with is that Judas could have still been redeemed even after he betrayed, but he never accepted the invitation of the gospel, only the wages of sin.
He felt regret, but not repentance.
The same grace extended to Peter was available to Judas.
But he turned away from the Savior instead of turning towards Him and believing in Him
October 29, 2025 | A.G. Ayuen
Jesus said if you have faith like a mustard seed,
you could move mountains.
(Matthew 17:20)
But did you know mustard seeds are actually weeds?
Once planted, they spread wildly—overtaking everything in their path.
That’s the kind of faith Jesus was talking about.
Not polished.
Not perfect.
But alive.
Growing.
Unstoppable.
In ancient times, growing mustard seeds was actually outlawed.
Why?
Because it took over gardens—choking out everything else.
So when Jesus compared our faith to mustard seeds…
it wasn’t safe.
It was scandalous.
He wants your faith to invade fear
to choke out doubt
to overtake nations with hope.
Kingdom faith spreads.
Your faith doesn’t have to be big.
Your devotion doesn’t have to be perfect.
Your love only needs to be true.
Jesus is after the kind of faith that starts small,
but refuses to stay that way.
Let it grow.
Let it spread.
Let it take over every part of your life—
Until the whole garden belongs to Him. 🌱
– A.G. Ayuen
June 20th was World Refugee Day—a day to remember, to raise awareness, and to call to action.
I am a refugee.
I came to the U.S. when I was five years old from a refugee camp in Kenya.
I’m South Sudanese by blood—but I’ve never stepped foot in my homeland.
South Sudan gained independence in 2011,
but the scars of war still linger.
The conflict, the trauma, the displacement… it doesn’t end with borders.
It leaves a mark on hearts and homes.
Refugees don’t just flee bombs and bullets.
They flee pain.
They flee spiritual oppression.
They flee emotional torment that words can’t explain.
The war is not only in the land, but also in the soul.
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,
but against principalities,
against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this world…”
—Ephesians 6:12
There are battles you cannot see, but you can still fight—
on your knees.
This World Refugee Day, don’t just remember the crisis—respond.
Pray for the persecuted.
Intercede for the displaced.
Cry out for the broken.
Plead for revival to sweep the nations.
Ask that refugees wouldn’t just find shelter—
but that they would find rest in Christ.
May we not grow numb to the pain of others.
May we be stirred to weep, to intercede, and to hope.
He is our Refuge.
And He is coming.
Let every war-torn heart know:
Freedom is still to come.
-A.G.